…To Forgive Divine

What is forgiveness, and why is it an important spiritual principal in most religions? This is further proof that all religions are based on yogic thought.

Forgiveness relates to the three fundamental tenets of the YOGIC mental state, that of: non-judgement, non-attachment and non-resistance.

It has become an indisputable fact in our house that my trip to India was the best thing that we could have done for ourselves. I am much calmer, happier, and deeper into my practice. Paul has had  massive personal growth & habit change, as well as a huge spiritual break thru–which he attributes to the change in my vibration. Paul and Ginger’s relationship is infinitely better and Ginger has matured significantly–in fact, at this moment, I can confidently say that our whole family is finally on the right track and doing really well…everything on the home front has come together (the power of manifestation at work)—and, just in the nick of time!!

This week I must face the local government to request them to rescind an injunction against operating Sun Lotus whilst in the process of re-zoning. Later in the month I am to present the official request to re-zone; This meeting was supposed to occur 2 days before I left for India; but, at the very last minute, one of the councilwomen suggested that I attempt for an “institutional zone” rather than a “commercial zone”. This new zone makes provisions for spiritual retreats, health and wellness centers, public assembly etc etc…exactly what we currently needed; and in fact was a much better fit for both our (particularily, my) goals and our neighborhood. This put me in the position to begin to refer to ourselves as a spiritual center, rather than a commercial enterprise…It also caused a huge delay in the processing of my rezoning application.

While in India, the thought that when I returned I would, in essence, be forced to rezone and develop Sun Lotus into a legitimate spiritual retreat center–really struck me as “a not so coincidental coincidence”. The fact that I was in India while contemplating this, was also “a not so coincidental coincidence”…(if you read my previous post called “setting the stage”…you will see the tremendous amount of serendipity that enabled that trip to happen).  The state of affairs between Paul and I seemed very contradictory to the path that we seemed to be heading towards…how can we become a spiritual center, when clearly Paul was not feeling so spiritual…and our life together didn’t reflect the bliss that I know yogic life brings. How could Paul possibly walk the talk, and how could I stay the course when the going gets tough.

When I first returned home I was extremely peaceful feeling and optimistic however,  Paul was as nasty and cold as cold towards me. This pushed me to seek out meditation more and more. Whenever I felt slightly drawn into the negativity or emotionally burdened, I would retreat to my private room, and meditate. There were days I cried, because I didn’t believe I had the strength to withstand the emotional onslaught…I worried that I would not be able to maintain my equanimity in the face of such negativity. I naively thought that Paul was a sucking vortex I couldn’t escape. The first 10 days home were almost hell (in my own mind).

It took me quite awhile to recognize that his behavior was actually a blessing to me–but it was, It caused me to earnestly seek my inner depths in a way I had never done before, with tools that I never had before (given to me by the satguru Amma) This is when I developed my yoga-dance practice, made some great strides in my book and deepened my faith and meditation to a whole new level.

With my deepened practice, (and with the blessings I brought home from Amma) Paul could not maintain his negativity for long. Eventually he succumbed to the higher vibration. If you read my entry “Ma Aum” you would see the events that finally cracked him open. But, most recently, he sat and meditated with me and had a mind-blowing experience. He said that he felt he was visited by Amma, that he felt the connection to the 30 million people she has hugged, he felt he received messages from the universe, he felt the celestial love and he said, that everything was different for him now, all his values were different—he understands that he needs to live a life of service. Recently, divine guidance has taken over and an entire vision of our direction has become very clear to me, and now to Paul as well.  He whole-heartedly agreed with my most recent idea to make Sun Lotus into a non-profit. He said he saw it all!! (in truth, I have never felt so aligned with him as I do right now….despite my doubts along the way, I realize now, we are definitely on the same path-together…)

After we made this decision, many blessings began to flow to us very quickly; we were given a brand-new digital camera and a 5 year old Macintosh computer, found a fuel efficient working passat for only $500. (exactly the car I had been wishing for due to good mileage) and got approval for a remortgage of the house, and I spontaneously got an opportunity to host a Oneness blessing training session in exchange for the training. So last weekend I became an initiated “Oneness Blessing Giver”–this is the first time I have become publicly acknowledged or accredited in any kind spiritual practice. I feel it has come at exactly the right time, in short, I feel exactly on the right path at the right time.

When I look back over all the challenges, thru all the years,  that have brought me to this moment; a moment that I know is the perfect unfolding of destiny, I realize there have been many times when I have judged or resisted what was–especially when it comes to Paul. But, I did not have the full picture. This is where forgiveness comes in. How can I not forgive Paul for past behavior if it moved me (and ultimately us) in the right direction? Thats why forgiveness is divine…because it is ultimately the result of non-judgement, non-resistance and non-attachment–it is ultimately the recognition that no matter what the transgression is, it is in someway the unfolding of divine destiny…and we don’t know the “why’s and wherefore’s”.

This divine forgiveness must also be applied to myself when I think back over things that I could have done better, or things I could be doing better right now….I have had strange nagging guilt about silly little habits that I used to have…I sometimes have guilt about things I do right now.  I have needed to recognize I am growing, and as I grow and deepen my practice and spiritual understanding I come to  recognize these behaviours as wrong…so I change them, but I dont need to feel guilty about them...just accept, forgive, move on and be divine!