So there I was, about 22 years old, sitting on the roof of a restaurant, in Nepal…all my recent friends departed for trekking and it seemed I was the only foreigner in the tiny mountain top town.
For the next 5 days, until well into the night, I would simply sit on that roof and think, think think…think of the way I was raised, about my troubled childhood, about the Jehovah’s witness religion that my mom had introduced into our life at the age of 12? could that be the right religion? my gut told me no.
As I looked around me, at the breathtaking view of the lake, the sun, and the surrounding Himalayaian mountains I could sense there was a greater energy at work…perhaps not a person per-se, definitely not a person–I mean, come on!
But a force, a force beyond our control, I could imagine the entire globe spread out beneath my feet and that everybody, in every country, had their own interpretation of what was going on, most believed it fervently or didn’t know what to believe at all…I thought then, “I am okay not knowing all the answers” I know this, I am a small part of this thing called humanity that exists on this planet alone, dependent on the beautiful balance of nature, dependent on the sun, dependent on each other and dependent on the energy-force that we breathe in and call “life”…I feel as if I have been here always, and will never leave….I feel this is a closed system–a single living entity from the core of the earth to the farthest reaches of the universe–I am simply one integrated part of this organism…a temporal manifestation of flesh–and I am okay with that…for now. I felt a calm come over me, a release of fear and guilt and worry and a strength of conviction I had never known before.—it was yoga. But I didn’t know that yet.
Life moved on from then, I studied anthropology in university–which really helped solidify my emerging cosmology–since I realized that everyone just makes up a story that suits their cultural values–so when my mom asked me if I was ever going to go back to JW’s; I was adamantly not. Explaining to her that everyone thinks they have the truth…and that I am ok not having all the answers told to me…one of my biggest queries was this, if there was only one truth–wouldn’t it be just so APPARENT that it couldn’ t be denied; and wouldn’t I be able to experience that truth myself without it being spoonfed to me? it seemed only logical.
Flash forward past, 6 years of university, 8 years of a crushing love relationship, 2 years of deep depression, 2 years of wondering what to do, 1 year of re-birth after moving to BC, 7 years of working incessantly to create a beautiful, practically magical guesthouse, 7 years of a deeply committed, yet tenuous and stressful love affair, 3 years of motherhood….to the day I finally decide that I have worked enough, that life has settled down enough for me to finally relax, pick up a book, and learn something new–expand my mind into new dimensions. I pick up the JOY OF YOGA, a collection of writings on yoga…and I realize I have come full circle.